missed out a day

hmmmm i missed out a day of blogging... no big deal... it's too tired for me to blog as i reach home and went for gym straight away... then went for a leg nin nin....

some will question what is a leg nin nin, it's actually a foot reflexology. but it's a term that me and her shares.... and it's something that me and her really enjoy doing it together in some shopping center. yeah i got a card that's signed up for 10 courses or even 20 courses of leg nin nin. 80% of time times we were together doing it. we enjoyed... and when it's done, we came out and discuss about which part is hurting and who is slacking or who's really good. :)

just like how we all treat foods. we used to criticize foods who can cook, who can't.. and also we do blacklist a number of restaurants in Penang that basically can't cook. and why in the world they are opening a restaurant when they can't cook... that' question beats us....

all these on top are just the past.... she asked me to move on... move on... don't think back... i wished moving on is just as simple as just flipping pages in story books. probably my feeling towards her was too strong and causing it difficult for me to flip pages in a book (moving on). but i've already accepted that it's over, but feeling still exist.. so, it's gonna be a transition ... a long one for me to really get back my own life without clinging on her, dying to listen to her voice at night.

she probably moved on easier than me cause it's her decision of taking this break. yes she admit that she do think of me at night when lonely, she's a human afterall. it's almost 1 month after the official declaration of independance (wtf), still feels like it just happened yesterday. my life has came to a pause .... but my work still goes on. it's my own personal space that's having a pause... it's like missed out fuel to move forward. fuel starvation or is it a love starvation ? i miss her alot.

wanted to hear from her... eventhough on the phone it's just "i'm outside with frens", "i'm busy", "i'm watching tv", " i want to take a nap", it's a simple satisfaction that doesn't last more than 30 minutes. never really have a conversation ever since.... this could last for a week time without a proper conversation...

why do i still want to call her? starvation i guess, probably what i really missed doing is pressing "6" then "call" on my phone, then her face will immediately appear infront of me. this procedure is very something i've been doing for 2.5 years. of course what i could wished for is from the "connecting" changes to "connected" and the minute counter starts......which means she's picking up my call, she's not avoiding me... but one thing for sure, she had stopped smsing me. she used to sms me or reply my sms when she's not able to take calls.... no more sms....

previously i do keep sms from her... alot of them.... from the time i got my phone.. kept until recently which is deleted all of them... some of the sms dated a year back....all the sentimental moments, the nickname she used to call me, the good night wishes, the happiness when she's seeing something wonderful, wishing me was with her.... all these stuffs. now it's gone...

everything on my phone is slowly disappearing even loads of photos that we took together, i've loaded into my computer and stored it there. only kept a few which is the latest and i'm really really really reluctant to delete them... i really can't do it... i really want to see her face once in awhile... yeah i should move on... as probably most of the people outside will think..it's too difficult....

can u imagine, love makes you fly high high up above... then suddenly.. you lost your wing.. all u know is that you fall helplessly... and slam on the ground...it's so hurt that you doesn't want to do anything for a moment of life... keep it at a pause.....think back how thin the air was up there in the high up above....really would like to be there again....

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