Afternoon blogging ??? no need to work meh ??

yes... it's 11.46AM in the morning, i would say it's almost noon. why in the world am i blogging.

i really think that blogging is really for someone who has no one to talk to, no one to turn to when the feeling turns chaos. i'm one of them.... in this very afternoon i feel it that way....

all i wanted is just care about her.... this is the 1st time she drive herself to cyberjaya all the way from klang. i just want to know if everything is okay on her side. and what i get in return is .... "why do you call me so often?", now i really think that there's a word in chinese really exist....
好心当狗吠。which means good heart people think it as dog barking.

when the relationship comes to an end, it's always the case where both parties move on. but the problem is that when the relationship comes to an end while it's one sided decision. it's not even something that's related to 3rd party, constant conflict, lost of interest, roadblocks, different oppinions.... no.... i'm not one of those cases... she just don't want it anymore...due to distance...

in these situations, she will move on really easy. because it's her decision... but she really don't know how much damange it caused to me..... i really wanted to hate her for doing so, hate her for everything, but i can't.. i just can't... she's someone really dear to me... i even worry about her which is shouldn't be anymore....

you can say that i'm that kind of people where not much friends around me.... if i were to have alot of frens, i would have moved on easier, just go out hang out more... meet more people...keep myself busy... but over the years.... when i was still as a tiny employee in a big company, i have alot of colleagues, frens, then i got attached with her... and the time spent is normally on her only... then got into distance relationship again.... in KL, i'm totally different situation... i'm all alone, i don't have much frens whereby most of my frens were in my past place... daily only hope on the phone at night to spend time and tuck each other in....

when all these ends, what i have is the 4 walls that never leave me.... that's why i said it's really difficult for me to move on.... the damage on me is more than i imagine, more than i expected. it's already 1 month, but i still feels the same... i need more time.... i don't want to worry about her, i dont' want to love her... i don't want to miss her... but how to do that ?

as my close friend always say about me... i always need people to be around with me, at least talk to me.... or the heart knows that someone is with me....i can't last alone.... i can't last alone too long.... if there's a plane crash into my room at night....ends all my misery and pain....