let go everything.......

我把自己关起来　只留下一个阳台　每当天黑推开城门　对着夜幕发呆看着往事　一幕一幕　再次演出你我的爱

我把电视机打开　听着别人的对白　也许那些故事　可以给我一个交代你要的爱　我学不来　眼睁睁看情变坏　人怔怔看情感慨

不能给你未来我还你现在　安静结束也是另一种对待当眼泪流下来　伤已超载　分开也是另一种明白我给你最后的疼爱　是手放开　不要一张双人床中间隔着一片海

感情的污点就留给时间慢慢漂白　把爱收进胸前左边口袋最后的疼爱　是手放开　不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪

感情就像候车月台　有人走　有人来　我的心是一个站牌　写着等待

我把收音机打开　听着别人的失败　哽咽的声音仿佛诉说着相同悲哀你的依赖　还在胸怀　我无法轻易推开　我无法随便走开感情中专心的人容易被伤害

orchestra night January 2008

on the 12th night of January 2008, it's the day that i meet her again. it is a friendly hang out. it's been 1 month plus since i last see her. and it's been 2 months since the break off...

the night of the orchestra is exceptionally beautiful. due to the reason that the attire must be lounge suit or batik, everyone is compulsory of dressing up for the night. the night's performance is Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto No.1.

this beautiful night, i wore the Jaspal Shirt she bought for me, the CK Pants she bought and my own CK beige jacket. wherelse she wore a classy black dress. it's been 1 month plus since i last see her, she became more and more beautiful. i'm not sure if it's i'm missing her badly or been some time since i last see her... but no matter what, she's always beautiful in my heart.

the dinner ended up at Ozeki, eating Kobe Beef, new style sushi, and etc.... she mentioned to me that she will really miss the time adventuring food with me... i know in my heart that she is going to miss me as well. but her decision she won't change... that night, she did it again calling me the way she call me all the time... the feeling is really rushing in again.. am i wrong for asking her out ? i don't know... but the feeling is really great.... the memories are too good to be forgotten.

the night really sparked my mind that it's impossible that i could forget her or just put those memories aside. i may always wander around the memories myself. i'm trying myself not to bug her.... live my life, miss her my own way... if there's anything could stop me from doing so, it's either i met another angel that ease my pain or she came back and ease my pain.... for this year i will concentrate on my career... in return i don't only hope for money.. money is most of the default return for working hard.. but what i really pray hard and hope for is i could see her smile again, turtle me in the morning, trying good food as we live and grow old.....

New year trip

Fresh new 2008 year, time to really move on.... but although it's time to move on, yet it's not as easy as everyone says..... everyone will say time will heal everything.... how i wish i can forward wind the time.... until i heal it...

this actually reminds me of the movie "click". a guy that forward wind the life that he doesn't really like.... if i were to forward the healing time of mine, what will i miss ? possibly that i might miss someone next that might fill her space making me happy? miss some important time of my life? i guess i would just forget the idea of fast forwarding... must well just enjoy the healing time... heck.. it doesn't feel good at all the healing progress....infact it feels like shite....and i hate it...

anyway, it's new year yeah i went to Sipadan Island for my diving before it's destroyed by brainless politicians.... although certain part already destroyed when i think about it 2 years ago i went for the snorkling...

all i can say about the trip is magnificiently beautiful....if those who wonder how beautiful is beautiful.... there are a few things that u can do...

1) get open water license to dive
2) save money for the trip (quite alot)
3) plan way ahead with group
4) pray for the days u travel is red hot sunny day
5) enjoy.. take alot of photos

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all everyone out there...
blink of an eye... it's christmas, and it's already 1 month after i broke off with her... why am i still blogging about my feelings ?? and especially my feelings towards her....

christmas is the time we used to enjoy... we went shopping mall spend 1 hour.... to buy the perfect gift for each other.. and come back meet at one point to exchange gift.... how sweet is it.... i really miss those times.....she got me a badminton racquet, i got her a doll dog that looked just like her dog.... that time she was depressed because the dog were sent for surgery... she was worried... when she opened the box, she was really happy.. that was the moment .... the moment of pure happiness....

sometimes i was thinking after broke off... how many actually made it become real good friends? i really think that when the moment relationship broke, the closeness between the couple should normally break... but if it's one sided break off, although saying that becoming close friends is possible.. but the side that didn't wantedthe break of is difficult to control themselves or take back the love that used to give out... in the end the one that called for breakoff is very easy.. as they don't need to do anything.. just forget everything... while the other side is struggling how to become close friends..... where sometimes you think of her as you still care.... but how much is too much ? how to become a close friend? especially my case.. ?

or maybe i'm giving out a little too much than so called close friend.... i guess i should pull back even more...as i reall cherish the friendship... but somehow asking myself.. if one day she called me and tells me that she wanted to get back... i really don't know.... if i should take it back or not.. while the other hand i'm really afraid of getting hurt same style again...

i'm confused again....i'm sad.... today is the day i decided to pull off further.... but can i do it ?...

上帝救救我。。。。。。这些感觉非常辛苦。。。非常不好受，已经一个月了，我还没有能够忘记我们美丽的回忆。

people nagging

really wonder why people like to nag...especially old people... even sister also like to nag...
basically why people nag ? can't they just sit down and tell...or make a statement in a polite form...

at home i got nag for not throwing a the empty can drinks.. just because i don't know where to throw, recycle or just treat it as normal junk.. some say recycle.. but where in the world is the recycle bin ? not on my desktop also :P

then i got nagged by my sister for not locking the door after i gone out... i was like what the hell... i went out and i got into the car to start the engine.... do i need to wait for you at the door for you to come out then i lock the door for u ? really pisses me off especially people that doesn't think...

but when i make a statement... the newspaper is very messy... after reading, please tidy up in a place... but then... old fart will say why can't you just tidy it up.... then i was thinking... why in the world that i need to tidy ur shit up.... just keep it tidy after using....

when i use those tools, or left over rubbish after i do something in my car... those old farts will say... why don't throw them ? now i'm thinking... why are they so contradicting ? if i were to use the same phrase that they use to me.... tell them.. why don't u just pick it up when u see that instead of asking people ? wonder what will happen...

i really don't like this life... i'm dying to get out of this life... my picture was painted this way... where i get married this year... and i get a house.. move in with her....because i've lived with her for more than 1 year... i'm comfortable with her around... she's comfortable as well...

at least this excuse of moving out of the house is milder than like now.... i'm all alone... and i say i wanna move out.... it's gonna hurt those old farts... so... it's better not to do so...sighs... when only i can paint that picture again where i find my love one... and get married and move out ?

where's my love.....where' s my little.... i miss my little....when i'm not happy at least she's around to hear from me.... now no more.... i want my little....

food talk time....

as some of you all readers know..... yesterday was tuesday. yes... mid week and there's a function/launch of a new shampoo at the Aloha club in KL.

i'm really suprised that even at this mid week, people is clubbing like mad... yes i retired from that scene long long time ago. why am i there? certain JSOC members are being invited to drive their car to the scene and supposingly to fetch those models to the scene and drop them one by one. but in the end due to their crazily stupid arrangement, we ended up wait and wait.... no models got in the car.. just drove pass the building and go in for carpark...

yeah... we got our goodies bag... then we head straight to dinner around 9 PM....we went to Ozeki restaurant along Jalan P Ramlee. yes it's near to Aloha, open by one of our member. 8 of us went for the dinner... here's the list of things that we ordered..... but i have no idea what's the name but in the end the price came out 4 digit.... but it's really really really hell worth it....

1. sashimi - served with fusion combination dishes and sauces dripped on them.. i rate it 9/10 due to the sashimi not thick enough :) greedy me..other than that.. the food is really really good stuff
2. baked avocado with shrimp - avocado cut in half, chop in piece mixed with special sauce and shrimp... then left it back in the avocado skin and add chess then bake.... this is another highlight....
3. charcoal baked chicken cutlet - chicken cutlet baked in charcoal oven using a hot pot. no sauce, just black pepper and baked in the pot. the chicken is really tender and soft even it's baked. freakin good stuff
4. baked lamb cutlet - lamb slices baked in hot pot with generous amount of rosemary herbs and garlic, the lamb is made just nice, not hard, not too raw, and most of all doesn't taste the milky lamb smell.... thanks to the generous amount of rosemary. something cannot be forgotten...
5. garlic fried rice - typical garlic fried rice :)
6. stone grilled Kobe Beff - this is the best of the night.... Kobe Beef marinated with sauce and grilled on a hot rock. for those who doesn't know how it feels like to bite kobe beef, can google it... all i can say is that, the fat is marvelous...it's soft... eat it while it's still medium rare... 10/10 for Kobe Beef.....
7. plum wine - during the whole meal, the food is complimented with plum wine, it's really smooth, and it doesn't taste like chicken essense like some other brand ones.... really good stuff as well....

this restaurant.. i rate 10/10 except the green tea pouring is too slow.. but the food is really really interesting.... another interesting part is the chef participated in World Gourmet Festival... something that's related to fine dining from all over the world come to compete.
rate yourself how good it will be :)

highly recomended.....

oh yeah... she used to call me Kobe Beef due to the reason that i like massage.... and relaxation with musics... like the life of kobe cow......

Afternoon blogging ??? no need to work meh ??

yes... it's 11.46AM in the morning, i would say it's almost noon. why in the world am i blogging.

i really think that blogging is really for someone who has no one to talk to, no one to turn to when the feeling turns chaos. i'm one of them.... in this very afternoon i feel it that way....

all i wanted is just care about her.... this is the 1st time she drive herself to cyberjaya all the way from klang. i just want to know if everything is okay on her side. and what i get in return is .... "why do you call me so often?", now i really think that there's a word in chinese really exist....
好心当狗吠。which means good heart people think it as dog barking.

when the relationship comes to an end, it's always the case where both parties move on. but the problem is that when the relationship comes to an end while it's one sided decision. it's not even something that's related to 3rd party, constant conflict, lost of interest, roadblocks, different oppinions.... no.... i'm not one of those cases... she just don't want it anymore...due to distance...

in these situations, she will move on really easy. because it's her decision... but she really don't know how much damange it caused to me..... i really wanted to hate her for doing so, hate her for everything, but i can't.. i just can't... she's someone really dear to me... i even worry about her which is shouldn't be anymore....

you can say that i'm that kind of people where not much friends around me.... if i were to have alot of frens, i would have moved on easier, just go out hang out more... meet more people...keep myself busy... but over the years.... when i was still as a tiny employee in a big company, i have alot of colleagues, frens, then i got attached with her... and the time spent is normally on her only... then got into distance relationship again.... in KL, i'm totally different situation... i'm all alone, i don't have much frens whereby most of my frens were in my past place... daily only hope on the phone at night to spend time and tuck each other in....

when all these ends, what i have is the 4 walls that never leave me.... that's why i said it's really difficult for me to move on.... the damage on me is more than i imagine, more than i expected. it's already 1 month, but i still feels the same... i need more time.... i don't want to worry about her, i dont' want to love her... i don't want to miss her... but how to do that ?

as my close friend always say about me... i always need people to be around with me, at least talk to me.... or the heart knows that someone is with me....i can't last alone.... i can't last alone too long.... if there's a plane crash into my room at night....ends all my misery and pain....