i'm not imuned

it was already a month since i last talk to her, or meet her or anything..
in between some bull shit email yeah... once in awhile.
and then it comes her b'day. i asked her for a meal she okay for it.
i tot it was imuned already since it's been a real long time since i last see her face to face.. like say almost 3 months.

but then when the 1st eye she showed up upon me, my heart beat stopped.....
i was like why is this still happening ?...i should be cool by now.. it's been awhile..
i guess i'm wrong. i'm not imuned. i'm forever not imuned especially towards her.

as usual, the meal was good, the conversation was good. it feels like she's trying to know me i feel like i'm being questioned quite alot.. talked about my work, talked about myself, and it seems like she had a perception of me as a heavy clubber, smoker, drinker. it's really not cool... for those who know me for a long time... i'm totally off the list ... not even previously a smoker... but as usual i like to talk so, it's a good time to talk. she did talked about herself and stuff, her family etc... but i didn't more things about her, because this is due to time is limited. it's a lunch. i don't have all day long there. i really wished that i could have more time to know more about her. got more chance to ask her out. as what i can see only see her face to face can get these kind of good feeling. not on the phone, not on email, not sms.

i guess i'm not imuned, and i'll get hit once again.. .and this could be the 3rd time...i maybe even getting hit if it continue like that...i feel that i'm running in circles.. how many circles i will end up running.....i can't forget... i can't untangle myself. tried but always back to the same point. the point where i get dazzled my heart stopped a beat or two... i'm looking away once in awhile during the meal just to avoid too much direct eye contact as my heart beat will stop....

that's how bad the virus is.....
and i have no idea what i could do anymore...
and i have no idea what i should do anymore....
and i have no idea what is going on anymore....

go with the flow i guess......die la