Stranded again.

This is the previously stranded dive operator that i posted few months ago. This round same we're stranded. With different boat. But the worse situation is that we're in the middle of the sea. No where near any land. So unlucky as i'm now full tank. Don't know how to release and when only can release.

yet another stressful day

another day again.. filled with frustration filled with hatred filled with stress.... so stress that i have to take a couple of ice cold beer and a couple of ciggy to relax my mind.... it's that terrible...

early morning again.. the old man is nagging the same old shit.. no one asked him to wait, no one ask him to take charge... when i work, i work on my own progress, i monitor my own progress, and i have my own deliverables and milestone. why do people like to interupt when there's nothing much to be changed. they just get in and make a big mess of what my milestone is.. and then start blaming when shit happens.

god darn tired and sick of the whole working environment that has no system and individual deliverables and milesstones does not really exist. where building a system is not a possible thing to happen here.... really sick..

i started to change, i implemented a few system which helped the company to monitor things better. but there are some "antique" that will not change... where they think it has been working this way why bother changing. there's no transparency at everyone's progress.

in a company, if the "antiques" wants to see things, they supposed to get status reports of even a weekly meeting to get things sorted. or even a week ahead planing that will give them all the information they required instead of when they are free, they come asking one by one that has been done god long time ago.

from now on.... i'm the project owner, i'm the project leader, i'll monitor my pace again... no one is going to change whatever i do.. if i screw up, it'll be my mistake no blaming. if you have anything to suggest, suggest to me. change my process and you'll get it from me eventhough you're an antique, i'll smash the antiques like i drop a vase...whatever you suggest, it'll be just a suggestion, to get it or not, it's all up to myself, the project owner, the project leader.

the danger of invisibility

what do i mean invisibility ? i'm not refering in work or anything... although in work, it seemed to be not so good because promotion or extra bonus or any good stuff will not end up on your hand....

the invisibility that i'm refering is stress. people nowadays in the city life are facing huge stress on work or on personal life. that's the price to pay for the ever evolving life of KL people.

i'm suspecting myself to be affected by some invisible stress. it's invisible, you don't feel it. last time when i was working back in intel... yeah at certain time, i can feel that i'm seriously stressed, short of breath, lack of concentration.

the last sunday, after i came back from hang out, from playing with fire arm..full of adrenaline... and i felt so blardy tired... but then the mind is actually spinning at an infinite speed... no idea what's it spinning for.. just like when u got a computer that's constantly crunching HDD but you're not doing anything.... that's the time when you suspect it's being infected by malware or so called worm.

then on the day, i was looking for alot of diffferent food to eat... keep eating only.. i have no idea why, i wasn't hungry.. just a craving for food... so difficult i work hard in the gym to be at this shape of body.. but then i don't wanna waste all my effort... i guess i'm on some invisible stress, no idea what am i stressing on...

even now... mood swing again... terrible me... what am i stressing on... i just sound like a cunt only... and i'm darn un happy about everything.....

i want to break away from all the invisible stress that's affecting me....

twisting fates

talking about fates, sometimes it's really not up to anyone to control fate is pre-destined by the ones up there high above... we don't know what's going to happen.

like i mentioned before that the heart is the one that gives hint on what's going to happen and tells you to act upon it. and that's fate.

my fate seemed to be twisting and twisting and twisting... going in circles. i thought that i'm over with certain thing in my life, just have get on with my life and do whatever is necessary. but at a certain time, suddenly things just get twisted back again... aka deja vu... back to the point of incident that i supposed to be over with....

thus i'll be tangled in the forest of thorns with no direction where i'm going to move.. will i see the light again if i continue to move forward or i have to find my way backward through the forest of thorn to save myself from getting stung.

dreams again

what is actually happening... ?? what's going wrong with my mind.... i guess i need alot of relaxings..

my brain is not functioning well. thus i'm puting unwanted feelings on this blog so that i don't need to keep it in my mind and bugging my progress of the day...

have you every had a dream that's so real? and the moment you wake up, you realise that it's just a dream. the feeling was so real and so good that it made you doesn't want to wake up at all. makes you feel like you wanted to continue dream on and see what's going on.

yeah i wrote something like this on my blog before... i'm writting now again because i'm having another dream again.... same person... sequel from the previous dream...
it was so good... it was so real... it was so happy.... (during the dream). *not a wet dream

in today's dream, i was cuddling with her and then we alot of conversation alot of explanation... and it wasn't just plain talk.. it was whispering on each other's ear... can you ever imagine how good was the feeling of whispering through out the whole conversation? oh my god.. that's really good thing...

and it's bad.. totally it's bad for me, bad for my mental health. messed around with my mind.... some how certain part of me starting not to like dreams.... it actually made people miserable that the real world isn't as good in the dream. rather not to have any dream. hope for another dreamless nights.... quality rest...

what a terrible night.....

past times

somehow when i have free times, i tend to read back my blog on what i wrote last time. at times, i found out that they are seriously kinda stupid... luckly... this blog is a place for me to throw my unwanted thinkings or feelings ...
those good things to be kept inside my mind, and sometimes here to share...

and i realise i do have frens that go in and give me comment about the blogs... thanks very much for it...

someday when i grow much older, i'll be laughing myself even harder if i haven't end this blog.. it's just like a diary but open to public... like i still keep my 17 year old diary.. but i know if i open it up i'll be thinking... young teens.... and then i have my diary of the age 19 to 20.... and i'll be thinking by now.. what is this guy thinking..... and then i didn't write anything all the way until now.... which is like 7 years gap... and when i turn 30... i'll be laughing at my 27...

look at how fast the time had catch up.... very soon.. there'll be 30 candles on my b'day cake.... where i can't finish blowing it with one breath...

getting old is totally inevitable... but all i want is to get old full of satisfaction in life.

weekend

A: did your mommy teach u not to play with fire ? now the fire had torched u once, but it's not a bad burn.. but why do you still wanna go play fire ?

B: i'm not playing fire, i was just looking at it... and yeah i did play a little bit...

A: do you still wanna get burn ?

B: don't really like the feeling of getting burn... but the fire already started... i had a dream that the fire actually made me feel warm and happy. but then i really don't realise that the fire could start back up that easily although i put it out already. i'll be careful this time... hopefully i don't so stupid put my hand into the fire again. wait till it burns off it gas... and i shall not touch the fire again...

A: looking at your attitude, will you really let it burn finish and let it be?

B: my attitude..don't know... sometimes i'll really let it burn... but then who knows the fire became bigger and burn me while i don't realise it.. just hope it doesn't... just hope the fire shows up for fun... not to burn people.. reminding myself not to put my hands into the fire.

A: well then.. good luck...

B: sure do i need all the luck... SAKAI on FIRE....